Fibermania

Attitude

Daisy #1 and detail

Daisy #2 and detail

Now here's the thing. I was feeling stymied after each painting day. Frustration or something made me stew, and that made me an unfriendly person to be around. Did I realize I was spewing grumpitude? Um, no. But I guess I was... since Dave brought it up so clearly.

We had a TALK.

I had to answer questions. Why was I doing this? Hadn't I learned anything from the last (several) times I painted? Didn't I realize that I was never happy at painting? Why was I ruining our retirement with this stuff?

I got defensive. I almost teared up. I pouted.

He said, Maybe painting isn't for you? And that it would be alright if I didn't ever paint again.

Well, that didn't sit right with me, but is certainly did make me re-evaluate everything.

The way I am, I said to myself, is that I like a puzzle. Like quilting, knitting, baking, or fictional murder mysteries, I like to solve things. Conquering them, getting the control over them. Not the same as making art, but a necessary part of the equation for me. Once I feel I have the solution then I can really create (except for the murder mysteries, which just aren't the same thing).

Whatever it is I have to crack this nut, and yes I have been at it for years and years. But half the battle was never having the time to work on painting until it happened. There was always something else like my job, or school deadlines or something else that got in the way. Now that I am retired from teaching, I figured I had the time to devote to refining my painting goals.

And I do believe I am making progress, I protested to Dave. Hmm. But my attitude is bad. So first, I must readjust that part.

OK.

The paintings above are before and after our discussion. The second one is closer to my goal, of less fussiness.

After I was finished, I left my frown in the studio.