Sunday, June 27, 2010

A Meeting of the Secret Beefeaters Society
Sunday 6:30am:  I called my sister (it was 7:30 her time) and asked her if she wanted to play church hookey and come for a visit. My husband would be away playing baseball all day and her husband was going kayaking. My niece wanted to join us and since she recently dislodged her boyfriend, we had a full cast.
My niece is played by Dakota Fanning with darker hair.
My sister is played by Marcia Gay Harden, and why not?

And the part of me is played by Nia Vardalos...with darker hair. 

Scene 1:
My sister comes for a visit and my first act is to cook a pound of bacon. Or Meat Candy, as she calls it. I don't like the rigamarole of frying bacon (too messy) or microwaving it, or hauling out the George Forman and grilling it. It's the wash up I don't like.  I use a cookie sheet covered with parchment paper. The bacon is lined up and baked at 350 for however long it takes to get crispy. When it is finished, I take the bacon off the sheet and toss out the parchment paper, leaving the cookie sheet immaculate. No evidence remains.
 And since the oven would be on, I might as well make banana bread from those blackening bananas I have staring at me.

 My sister arrives and declares we need to go shopping for shoes.
Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.
 At the store she suggests getting some beef to grind for hamburgers. Hammmmburgerrrrrs.
Scene shifts to the meat department where we pick up two large chuck roasts. Perfect.
Our husbands cannot eat beef.
The reasons why are unimportant. We girls are beef deprived.

We cannot buy ground beef. WE must grind our own.

I protest the wash up part and my sister promises to do it for me.
OK I succumb. 
 It is sooooo much better to have freshly ground you-know-what-you-are-getting beef.

We have bacon, avocados, onion rolls, fresh tomatoes, sliced cheese and a gas grill. Everything we need to indulge our desires. My niece is 15 and recently discovered beef. She may be a slip of a girl but with her appetite, she won't be for long.
We grill the beef, stack our buns and take a bite. No words are uttered, only grunts of delight.
Fade to black.


  1. How decadent! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

  2. You had me at the bacon and banana bread.

  3. Speaking of bacon...I, too, hate the clean up so I do exactly what you do, BUT...I mix up brown sugar and chili powder and pat it on the bacon before I send it to the oven. is to die for!!! Try it sometime! You'll never eat plain bacon again...I guarantee it :)

  4. I would have thrown those chuck roasts right on the barbque. They would have never made it to the meat grinder. LOVE beef!


  5. Mechelle5:54 PM

    Did you read that book Toxin by Robin Cook?? Is that why you grind your own hamburger meat? GRIN! (I couldn't eat a burger for months after reading it!!) Is fresh ground THAT much better? May have to give it a try....thanks for sharing as always!!!!

  6. I'm a red meat all american Iowa girl. And it's a great day for a bbq. Thank goodness my hubby also loves beef.

  7. I am on an avocado kick... had some great guacamole made tableside this weekend and it was awesome!

  8. Oh what a yummy day you had!

  9. That sounds so good... all of it!

  10. You are TOO funny!

  11. Sounds like a fabulous day!

  12. Anonymous9:53 PM

    Your post today was a real *grinner*. Reminds me of my little granddaughters playing Little house on the Prairie... Opening sceen;
    GDtr #1 age 6 Playing Laura "We are searching for berries in the Forest"

    GDtr #2 age 3 Playing Mary? "I'm searching for MEAT" (said in a husky voice)

    Linda H

  13. Anonymous12:05 AM

    hooooooold it I come with the sledge hammer because I sometimes rain on parades. To start with, I am already appalled that you cook 1lb of bacon!!!! (In your oven, now who cleans that greasy mess?)
    We won't even visit the scene where you cook bacon which is pumped full of salts and nitrates and nitrites (which are suspected to cause cancer btw and made worse by heating/cooking).
    Then you buy your own piece of beef to grind because then you know exactly what is in it?

    Ok, I'll stop still my heart!!!

    It is 6am and I hear the garbage truck emptying the bins, got to go haul mine back inside.

  14. I'm like the dog on the commercial.... Bacon, bacon! I smell bacon!!! Where is it! That's a treat around here.

  15. Too funny and so much fun to read. Can't wait for the next chapter. What a hoot.

  16. Two thumbs up!

  17. Meat candy and burgers as an art form. I am now a happy camper.

  18. I fully match with whatever thing you have written.

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