Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Going Poof!
.


Dave and I have been discussing what we are going to do in retirement. This is a good idea, since it could happen one day. At least for me. He is already retired and I am thinking about traveling less.
I really thought we had agreed on all this but then he said what if one of us went poof, what would you do and where would you live?
Going poof means being out of the picture, no tears, way past the tears, but now what? Well it turns out that things really change when you begin to think about being alone and where would you live and how would you live.
All this time I am looking at grand homes with great gardens and enough space for a studio, and dye room (as tho I will always need a dye room) and guest rooms and lavish pools and such. As an example see this house (and click on the arrow to see the full size views. )


O, is there a home that goes with this pool?



So then I think about um, being a little old lady by myself. (I would move to Tommy's Old Quilter's Home, but I slurp and have been unable to break the habit).


If he went Poof! I am certain I'd go with a more modest home like this.



And Dave is thinking about Florida on the water. Again. I thought we were done with this idea! What we like we can't afford and what we can afford we don't like.

Um, it turns out that I am the problem. It is ME that doesn't like the kind of house that Dave would be happy to be away from on the water. If you can follow that.

All this time I am trying to find something that would make him happy and he has been thinking that whatever makes me happy would make him happy. But it turns out that without me in the picture he would do something totally different. And me too.

Duh. The discussion continues.

15 comments:

  1. Melody,

    LOVE the Mobile house. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, too. Not having a spouse, I'm already in the Poof! mode. Since I'm one of the caregivers for my Mom, I'm now thinking about my next house having few or no stairs and things like a walk-in shower (she fell and can't get into the bathtub shower by herself right now).
    It definitely wakes you up to things you would normally not consider a problem. Good luck with your search,

    Becky

    ReplyDelete
  2. Roxane in Raleigh9:31 AM

    Would someome explain to me what is the Poof mode? Am I missing some life-altering information here?

    ReplyDelete
  3. DH & I just made our adjustments for our 1/2 half of life, I'm 49 & he's 53. We purchased what we could afford with cash, all one level, and are putting in a stained concrete floor eventually. This is intended to be our last house, so I do appreciate your "advanced" thinking. Buying anything else would just have been silly for us, why set yourself up for another move down-the-road when one of you can't climb the stairs, etc.?

    That house is lovely tho!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am 6-1/2 years a widow having moved twice, the first into a condo where I thought I'd be rolled out of on a stretcher head covered feet first but no, here I am living somewhere I in my wildest dream could not have imagined and loving it. Buy the house for the life you and Dave have now and plan for the foreseeable future. Then when one of you goes poof,and I am not saying it will be Dave, you have LIVED and LOVED and been HAPPY and that is all that matters. Don't look beyond because it is never as you see it, there is only ONE who really knows. Even then when that next phase comes for eiither one of you evaluate where you are then and what you want then. That's what ReMax and Allied Van Lines is in business for.

    ReplyDelete
  5. By poof, Mrs Mel means what if one of them is no longer amongst the living, to put it delicately.

    Thinking in poof mode is a very good idea... y'know, you can dye (Gah... no pun intended) outside most of the year in Florida, I'm sure. And have a lovely hand-dyed custom Mrs. Mel patio floor at the end of it all. ;0)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Judy from Northport10:23 AM

    Having recently lost my mom, I, too, have been thinking about what I will need down the road.
    I still need (want?) 3 BRs, one for guests and one for a studio. A dye studio could be an outdoor sink, because I hope to be somewhere warmer than I am.
    The main thing, and I am poking around looking for it already, is a house with an attached garage that is on the same level as the rest of the house - everything on one level. Most of the so-called single-storey ranches around here have the garage under the house!
    What I have been thinking about is what my parents had in Delray Beach in SouthFlorida, and that is a free-standing condo. Many of the newer ones have a substantial amount of space for individual gardens. And you don't have to mow, or have the outside of the house repaired.
    You might want to look at Flagler Beach, FL. It is between Daytona Beach and StAugustine. It can get chilly in the winter - but that's only compared to SouthFlorida! The coldest it ever gets is about 40 at night in the dead of winter. It's on the ocean. The next town over has a topnotch fabric store. An Ikea is about to open in Orlando, about an hour and a half away. And although it's unfortunately developing, the people who run the government there have a handle on not letting things get out of hand...

    ReplyDelete
  7. I recently read an article that stated if you think your decision would add ONE MORE thing to your list of "Gee, I wish I had done..." then by all means do it NOW. Most of us have a list that is way too long already, don't add to it.
    Go for the dream, the two of you are way too smart to not be able to figure out the next step... when it comes.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mel, your entry today reminds me of a book/tape I just finished by Clarissa Pinkola Estes called The Gift of Story: A Wise Tale about What is Enough...its a small book that you and Dave might enjoy and just might figure into the discussions about retirement.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous2:02 PM

    Keep looking Ms Mel. This one is too 'tight'!

    ReplyDelete
  10. All that flowery wall paper. Not you, but you can change it. So is this "too much" for you two? What is too much and how simple do you want things? It's tough. Stretch is almost 65 and we are having the same conversation. Where and when. It is really tough.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Why do I only have two photos and no text on the blog page today???

    ReplyDelete
  12. Beth in TN, do a refresh and the whole post should appear. If not please email me again.
    Mel

    ReplyDelete
  13. Been refreshing all day, Mrs. Mel--nuttin' but the two pics and the word "this" above the swimming pool...NOW I have the L.A. Modern with text above the pool and house pics though....Weird!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I understand the problem only too well - Dh died 7 years ago and am looking to move in about 2 yrs (tho in the UK). Have found the ideal location where houses are at the right price: small town on the most beautiful coastline, good textiles network, with good links to major cities (having had to have surgery for cancer 5 yrs ago suddenly realised rural retreat in the middle of nowhere was not such a wonderful idea). But everyone's different - but bear in mind you will need good friends close by if "poof" happens to either of you! (Cats help, I've found, but they're no substitute - limited conversational skills, can't sew for toffee, though a great comfort in times of need!)

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Hello,
So nice of you to drop by. I love your comments, and if you would really like a reply, please email me at fibermania at g mail dot com