Monday, May 07, 2007

Bone Weary

I am out of energy. I slept all afternoon today. I am still limp and groggy. I lost my voice in Denver and then sat in the airport from 9am til 5pm waiting for one delayed flight to be replaced by another. Finally got on board and got to Chicago, where we sat on the tarmac waiting for our gate to become available. Dave picked me up at 9ish, making it a 12 hour travel day.


This is how work has become for all of us teachers these days. We get together at dinner at shows like these and complain about travel.


I still love to teach. I love to connect with my students and have the lightbulb turn on over their heads, or that Eureka moment. I get so much from that experience. But my ability to continue to do it is weakening.


I am questioning everything today.


I miss Dave so much when I am away. Our life has become so wonderful , in different ways than it used to be. I worry if he is in pain and needs me to massage his sore muscles. Why am I away from him now? What could be so important a goal that it takes me away from him during his best days? Will I regret this absence when his illness progresses further? You know I will. I already am.


Yet today's mail brought three invitations for the coming years. I get a little thrill when I receive these, of course. The ego is the last to go. But my enthusiasm for booking up my future is difficult to muster.


I'll answer these questions when I feel like my old self again, and in the meantime I will sit in the garden and wait til it looks like this...

12 comments:

  1. You are at exactly the point that I was when I quit teaching. I loved being with the students and watching them learn and have fun, but the cost in time away from home got to be too much. Good luck with your decision!

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  2. Hugs. I don't envy you this dilemma.

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  3. Maybe you should look for a place that allows you the space to have people come to you or has a venue that would make this possible. Find someone who likes to cater little luncheons and brunches or something. You have so much to share and enjoy and you can still sleep in your own bed.

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  4. I echo Cindra's comments.

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  5. Compromise dear teacher, compromise. Maybe a few sessions a year, more time at home with Dave. The best of two worlds. There's always room for compromise....

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  6. Oh Melody... Your post made me want to weep. I know what that kind of "tired" is...but without the time away from home which must be horrendous. I took a class at Nancy Crow's barn (Carol Soderlund's Dye Class) and at the time I kept thinking about how hard it must have been for Carol to be away from home for two weeks (two one week classes...back to back) and at the same time I was thinking about how wonderful it was for Nancy Crow to be able to teach at her own farm...(and the fact that it's an incredible place with the most amazing studios if just icing on the cake!!). I think Cindra has a great idea...or maybe video classes...or even have a young filmmaker film classes that you could sell on DVD. I think the demand would be incredible...I really do.

    You are so blessed...to have work that you love..that fills your soul...to have a man who loves you completely and is invested in your life in such an incredible, supportive way...to have an artistic gift that the rest of us just want to witness and share in... Your life is almost perfect...it just needs this one little "tweek". We will take those lessons you have to teach any way we can get them..make it easy on yourself.

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  7. Anonymous11:50 PM

    How did you like the Denver show? How were the classes?

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  8. Anonymous2:41 AM

    Well Ms Mel. I would love to be in your shoes travelling away from home teaching art classes here or there. All things I'd love to do but can't because 1. I am not qualified to teach art and 2. I am STUCK at home for familial reasons. Yes, I says stuck because for me it is drudgery day in day out same old same old. BUT, it is also something I have to do for me, my commitment.

    You also have to keep thinking about your life and your joys and while DAVE is a big part of your life and joy, so is your Art and your work.....but this you know already.
    You thrive on your work and love of
    Art, what would you do if you were to give it up?
    You were only tired yesterday and after a nice rest and a few days home with your Dave, you will rebound.
    Being there for Dave NOW is all important I agree, but being there for yourself is even more important so that you can be there for Dave, happy and contented and even a little bit tired.

    Now down off the rostrum I go.

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  9. Well Mel, I don't know what it's like to be away to teach. For me it's being away to learn. What about taking Dave along to some venues? QSDS comes to mind. There has to be somewhere around there to fish (tho I don't think the river behind the hotel is an option, or maybe it is). I know Jimmy travels with Susan (ok, he has to drive her) but, if there's trout fishing around he has been known to stay.

    But maybe taking only 3 or 4 teaching gigs a year for now would be a good idea too.

    In the end you are the only one who can decide but be sure all of your friends out here will support you.

    hugs to both of you,

    teri

    ReplyDelete
  10. You need to decide what is important. If it were all to end tomorrow - what would you regret? Life is too short and we must grab it with both hands. You have a wonderful talent and an ability to share it but surely your time with Dave is so precious.

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  11. If you set up a studio and teaching facilities within your home you can deduct many of the expenses required to support that area of the compound. Just locate your training facility close to a major city and put an end to your traveling.

    Oh, and some very nice living quarters on the compound would be a good idea :)

    Maybe buy a bed & breakfast place, add a nice facility behind it, and you're in business with no traveling.

    Add a big garage for Dave to play in and for his next hobby.

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Hello,
So nice of you to drop by. I love your comments, and if you would really like a reply, please email me at fibermania at g mail dot com