Fibermania

What is Dave up to while I am in Switzerland?
'

Dateline Palmer TN:

I wasn't going to tell you about my story involving 5 baby ducklings because now looking back on it " what must have I been thinking".

The day started out like any other day "up on the mountain". Which by the way the phrase "up on the mountain" is used by those who live "up on the mountain" in order to distinguish those who do from those who don't. I get the feeling that those who live "up on the mountain"see more eye to eye with those that can claim that phrase. Kind of along the lines claiming to be a Catholic while in the company of Catholics. When this is done there is a mutual understanding that Catholics are superior to all other religions and trust no one who claims something different.

Sorry I got caught up in that little understanding of our new culture. By the way we "live up on the mountain" and as long as we stay "up on the mountain" we have nothing to fear. What?

So while I was at the flea market in Monteagle I came across a large metal cage that was holding 5 adorable puppies that were the cutest littlest orphans with no mommy or daddy or any relatives that were willing to give them a loving home. The sign said "free"and the puppies were squeaking "take me, take me, take me. How I managed to harden my heart and convince myself that these pups weren't coming home with me is beyond me. All I know is I must have ice water running through my veins to be able to just ignore the little whimpering pleas to be rescued. How can you love a man capable of those atrocities?

As I continued my tour of the grounds faint cries in ducklatin emited from underneath a display table which held a gruesome display of butcher knives,cleavers, and animal butchering devices. Pulling back the blood stained table cloth revealed 5 (yep 5 ) of the cutest and littlest ducky orphans I have ever seen. When I inquired about the ducklings I was told that they were indeed orphans and had little chance for survival ( no mommy or daddy) unless I knew someone with a pair of mature ducks that might raise them as their own. Well this must be a sign from God cause I've got two ducks that are living an unproductive life and these rascals are just what they need.

Being the sceptic that I am I was able to create a deal as such I would be allowed to return them if the mature ducks refused to accept the babies or if the babies didn't buy into the ducks as their new mommy and daddy. I needed these clauses in the contract because I was paying $15 for the little orphans and their future was quite uncertain, along with my money.

During the ride back I couldn't escape having thoughts of being a person that has just saved 5 baby ducks. They probably would have been used as experiments which involved those butcher items on display (gross).

When I arrived home with the baby ducks the future parents were sleeping on the banks of the pond. As I got near the water the babies could sense it and began to quack up a storm. I lowered the cage on a bank near the mature ducks and opened the door to freedom. The door hadn't even open all the way yet and these baby ducks swam as fast as their little webbed feet ( really cute feet) could take them in the opposite direction. Quickly getting to the other side of the pond I ran. I didn't want them to get out of the pond because I had my doubts as to being able to catch them. Once they realized I was waiting for them on the other side they did a 360 without missing a stroke or would that be a kick. Well this turned into a great circus clown act at my expense. While the baby ducks simply swam from one end of the pond to another without a hic-up, I on the other hand had become coated in mud

and was quickly losing my enthusiasm for all of this.

I tried, I honestly gave it all I could and it just wasn't mean't to be. So with the final leap attempt to coral the little orphans success was mine if that's what I call success. The mature ducks never showed any interest in the babies and the babies acted like,,,,,well,,,,,babies,,,,,,SCARRED OUT OF THEIR LITTLE MINDS.

I returned them the same day, not willing to risk the possibility of their previous owner maybe not showing up the next day. After all I had $15 at risk. So I handed the little ducks back to him and said

"sorry but they just didn't want anything to do with my ducks". And he replied "I didn't think they would, you living "up on the mountain".

True Story

Missing you more than the baby ducks,

Ducky Dave