Thursday, August 30, 2007

What is Dave up to while I am in Switzerland?
'

Dateline Palmer TN:
I wasn't going to tell you about my story involving 5 baby ducklings because now looking back on it " what must have I been thinking".
The day started out like any other day "up on the mountain". Which by the way the phrase "up on the mountain" is used by those who live "up on the mountain" in order to distinguish those who do from those who don't. I get the feeling that those who live "up on the mountain"see more eye to eye with those that can claim that phrase. Kind of along the lines claiming to be a Catholic while in the company of Catholics. When this is done there is a mutual understanding that Catholics are superior to all other religions and trust no one who claims something different.
Sorry I got caught up in that little understanding of our new culture. By the way we "live up on the mountain" and as long as we stay "up on the mountain" we have nothing to fear. What?
So while I was at the flea market in Monteagle I came across a large metal cage that was holding 5 adorable puppies that were the cutest littlest orphans with no mommy or daddy or any relatives that were willing to give them a loving home. The sign said "free"and the puppies were squeaking "take me, take me, take me. How I managed to harden my heart and convince myself that these pups weren't coming home with me is beyond me. All I know is I must have ice water running through my veins to be able to just ignore the little whimpering pleas to be rescued. How can you love a man capable of those atrocities?
As I continued my tour of the grounds faint cries in ducklatin emited from underneath a display table which held a gruesome display of butcher knives,cleavers, and animal butchering devices. Pulling back the blood stained table cloth revealed 5 (yep 5 ) of the cutest and littlest ducky orphans I have ever seen. When I inquired about the ducklings I was told that they were indeed orphans and had little chance for survival ( no mommy or daddy) unless I knew someone with a pair of mature ducks that might raise them as their own. Well this must be a sign from God cause I've got two ducks that are living an unproductive life and these rascals are just what they need.
Being the sceptic that I am I was able to create a deal as such I would be allowed to return them if the mature ducks refused to accept the babies or if the babies didn't buy into the ducks as their new mommy and daddy. I needed these clauses in the contract because I was paying $15 for the little orphans and their future was quite uncertain, along with my money.
During the ride back I couldn't escape having thoughts of being a person that has just saved 5 baby ducks. They probably would have been used as experiments which involved those butcher items on display (gross).
When I arrived home with the baby ducks the future parents were sleeping on the banks of the pond. As I got near the water the babies could sense it and began to quack up a storm. I lowered the cage on a bank near the mature ducks and opened the door to freedom. The door hadn't even open all the way yet and these baby ducks swam as fast as their little webbed feet ( really cute feet) could take them in the opposite direction. Quickly getting to the other side of the pond I ran. I didn't want them to get out of the pond because I had my doubts as to being able to catch them. Once they realized I was waiting for them on the other side they did a 360 without missing a stroke or would that be a kick. Well this turned into a great circus clown act at my expense. While the baby ducks simply swam from one end of the pond to another without a hic-up, I on the other hand had become coated in mud
and was quickly losing my enthusiasm for all of this.
I tried, I honestly gave it all I could and it just wasn't mean't to be. So with the final leap attempt to coral the little orphans success was mine if that's what I call success. The mature ducks never showed any interest in the babies and the babies acted like,,,,,well,,,,,babies,,,,,,SCARRED OUT OF THEIR LITTLE MINDS.
I returned them the same day, not willing to risk the possibility of their previous owner maybe not showing up the next day. After all I had $15 at risk. So I handed the little ducks back to him and said
"sorry but they just didn't want anything to do with my ducks". And he replied "I didn't think they would, you living "up on the mountain".
True Story
Missing you more than the baby ducks,
Ducky Dave

17 comments:

  1. Anonymous4:48 AM

    ROFLMHO! How could you not love a Dave who writes such wonderful pieces and saves baby ducks or at least tried! 'Up on the mountain' indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wish that could have been a little piece of video on YouTube!

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  3. I'll give you $15. if you write a story about living "up on the mountain" weekly. So, so, funny and so, so Dave!

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  4. Ooohhhh poor Dave! or maybe poor duckies? I would love to see the some video footage - bet it would fetch a high price - ohhh retirement funding! hahaha - thanks for a great morning laugh!

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  5. DAVE!!!! All you need is a containment system of some sort...with the corners rounded off (so they can't crowd into the corners on top of each other) and a light to keep them warm. If you allow enough room for them to move closer or further from the light, water and feed (Flock Raiser is the best), they would have been fine!! I can't tell you how many day-old chicks and ducklings have been delivered to my door over the years!

    Carol - who lives in the country with a "city boy" would would also have thought that baby ducks needed a "mommy and daddy"...LOL!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dave, you are sumthin else. What a great storyteller you are. 'Up on the mountain' indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, man, I have missed you, Dave. I am with Dee. I want more!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Patsy Thompson5:54 PM

    This just illustrates, yet again, what a wonderful storyteller you are and how much I have missed your blog! Please check-in periodically through Melody's blog so we can all get our "Dave-Fix!"

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous6:52 PM

    I guess I don't see the humor in rescuing these sweet little creatures from who-knows-what fate was waiting for them only to turn around and RETURN them to that unknown fate! I call it cruel..even if your intentions were good. Couldn't you have figured out something that would have saved these darlings?? I have been reading your "adventure" from the beginning and I firmly believe you two don't belong there! You're trying to be something you're not and unfortunately, this is only the beginning. I think I'll stop reading this blog because it has become sad and distasteful. If you don't know anything about "country" life, you need to move back to the city where you belong before someone or something gets hurt.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dear anonymous, Now I remember why I gave up blogging.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sorry....I really need to respond.....I find the comments of anonymous "distasteful"! It's NEVER too late to learn to 'live up on the mountain'. For a year now, 'the husband' and I are learning those lessons ourselves in Crabtree, NC and are having a delightful time and gosh.....no one has gotten hurt yet! We've even know not to pet rattle snakes!

    Personally, I congratulate Melody and Dave (though I haven't met Dave) on how they have embraced life and are willing to strike out on a new adventure.
    Mary

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  12. Dave, I love your "day in the life, up on the mountain". Let us hear more from you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hahahahaha DAVE!!! Your comment about why you"gave up blogging" made me laugh so hard I snorted!! In my "neck of the woods..." that's a good thing!! LOL!!!! As for "anonymous"...jeese...please pass the Zoloft!! It was a wonderful story Dave...wonderful. BTW...I bought the tiniest little horse you've ever seen today. She was delivered from Arizona at noon and she's only 17" tall!!! Don't think I'm not going to have some adventures myself over the next few weeks...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dear Dave,
    Don't let the anonymous comment get you down- so many more of us were delighted to read your guest blog.
    Great story.
    Lovin' you,
    LB, one of Dave's Angels

    ReplyDelete
  15. Dave consulting Dave7:48 AM

    Had I known that Mel was going to publish my email I would have at least checked the spelling. Perhaps Mel will offer me a "guest" writer slot once in a while. I'm glad most of you got a chuckle from it since that was my intention. Thanks for all the support.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous1:52 AM

    Tell Anonymous to get a life.

    ReplyDelete
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Hello,
So nice of you to drop by. I love your comments, and if you would really like a reply, please email me at fibermania at g mail dot com