While dyeing a new set of gradations for the other blog (thanks everyone, at the moment I am SOLD OUT!!) I am listening to a book on cd and the main character is a recent widow. She has to process her new state and figure out her new life. She sits and thinks and feels and dwells and doesn’t really have to do anything. In a state of mourning no one expects you to be anywhere, finish anything you start, plan something new or even be nice.
Is there a way to do this same thing without having the death of a loved one part? When you go on vacation, you feel great the first part of the week but then the dread of having to return to work screws up your good feelings. I would like to have that wonderful clone of myself do my work, (which I love, mind you) but I would like to just sit and daydream and wonder and imagine for a month or so and then have a new plan or be refreshed at the end. Y’know, choose your own end of the downtime.
A nice cup of tea would be involved and a front porch swing too, and plenty of rain and big windows to watch it come down, and soft classical music on the stereo in the background. Soup and bread to eat, with a good red wine. No diet to stick to, that can return later. Down comforter and down pillows in the bedroom and a cat that doesn’t pee on the bed would be nice too, but now I’ve gone too far.
I realized that the very thing I am wishing for is the thing Dave is doing right now. I can see that he needs to do this and I need to let him. There is no time limit on this downtime thing, it has to run its own course. I’ll leave him alone so he can do it.
My husband is in month 8 of retirement. Every day he sleeps very late and doesn't do much. He has no hobbies other than watching news or financial shows and on the weekend, sports. It is strange and curious to me. But he is quite happy with this lifestyle so, like you, I just leave him to his whatevers.
ReplyDeleteI just snuck out of bed & left my husband sleeping. This is a rare event since he gets up at 4:45 each morning & drives an hour to be at work by 6:30. He thinks he has to be "productive" on the weekends too. I think he needs to rest. So, I am tickled that he is sleeping away and it is almost 10:00 on Saturday morning!
ReplyDeleteAs I have mentioned before, Mel, my Steve about drove me nuts when he retired. I couldn't understand life in the slow lane. He eventually has gotten involved in some great programs in the community and feels quite fulfilled.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it sounds wonderful if you get to CHOOSE it, AND feel like a human being DURING it.
ReplyDeleteAs someone with illnesses (and now crazy pregnancy with triplets) that have kept me stuck in the house, mostly in bed for VERY extended periods (months, at least), it CAN be a positive, contemplative thing like you say, or you CAN just feel trapped in your body, unable to do or even BE a quarter of the stuff that makes you YOU.
Being awarded disability will certainly make that new car and other lovelies easier to afford, but it can still be a HUGE blow to one's sense of self... not to mention a statement that one's 'trapped' feeling is considered to be pretty permanent... NOT a fun time, even if the money IS good.
(BTW - WAY sorry if this is a rant. I'm going out today for only the 4th time in three weeks and morning sickness has finally hit - hard. I'm just thinking that a Parkinson's "retirement" might not be the idyll that folks seem to be describing....)